Monday, December 30, 2013

The post Ironman blues and a Happy New Year.

As we are about to embark on a new year, there is much to reflect on. As the title suggests, it only seems right to split this blog into 2 sections. The Ironman Blues and a Happy New Year.

Part 1: The post- Ironman blues.

Since that glorious finish line on Nov 17, I've gotten the proverbial question, 'So, what's next'? approximately 1,235 times. I'm sure others that have done an Ironman can relate, as if 140.6 miles isn't enough, there always has to be something more..right?

After the Ironman I thought I was invincible. In the days after I thought I would do a marathon in the coming months and it would be the easiest thing ever. I did, afterall, do a marathon after a 2.4 mile swim and a 112 mile bike..doing one on it's own would be nothing. I thought about how I couldn't wait for my next 1/2 IM and how it would be a breeze. I was an Ironman and I could do anything!
I promised my coach I would take 2 weeks off which was no doubt, the smart thing to do. I did just that, other than two 5K 'musts'. The Turkey Trot and the Santa Hustle with the Blade Runners. Both turned into 'fun' runs and I posted my slowest 5K times in years. I chalked it up to a tough day, some cold temps and my muscles still needing to recover. I was an Ironman, how could a 5K be that hard?
I got sick, and 2 recovery weeks turned into 3 weeks. And being the holidays, I was continuing to eat everything in sight. Plus some. In the meantime, needing a 'next', I had signed up for the Disney 1/2 marathon on Jan 12...more on that later.

Week 3 came and I was ready. I had my 2014 schedule planned out, I needed to learn to sprint again. There was nationals and worlds and a possible Paralympic Games in a few years. This is what I was supposed to be doing. So, I got on the bike, I put my running leg on and I started again. Only something was different. My legs said no. Spinning my legs on a bike seemed like the hardest thing ever, trying to run a 12m mile for 3 straight miles was a daunting task. Everything from my hip flexor down flat out said no, when I tried to make it do anything. People told me it was that time of year, or my muscles still hadn't recovered or give it time. So I kept at it and gave it time. 6 weeks it's been, and without many changes it's been frustrating to say the least. The most damaging part about it is, I have stopped enjoying the workouts. I pride myself on racing and competing becasue I enjoy it. If that ever stopped, I was going to need to re-evaluate my goals in life. Maybe it's not the nationals and the worlds, but it's traveling, or spending more time with old friends, coaching, or doing something different to re-invigorate the joy and the challenge in all of this. I've dabbled in the thought of a year off and then force myself back on the bike, or back on the road on another workout becasue I think that's what I'm 'supposed' to do. And that time really will make it all better.

So, what's next? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm sure I'll continue on in hopes that it does get better. There are some big goals at stake but goals can and do change. The questions of why it's taking this long to recover, when will I enjoy it again and if my running days are over will remain. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get rid of these post- Ironman blues, feel free to pipe in. In the meantime, maybe I'll just go climb a mountain. Or swim the English Channel. Or something cool like that.

In 2 weeks, Brian and I are once again registered for the Disney 1/2 marathon with Achilles. As you can imagine,  my training has been sub-par and for the first time ever, I am thinking of backing out. To save both the physical and the mental pain of what 13.1 miles might do. What I thought would be a breeze 6 weeks ago, is turning into a daunting event. As a woman always after the next PR, I need to conclude that this will not be my fastest race and maybe I should stop and take some pictures with Cinderella and Goofy along the way. If only I had more time, because time fixes everything right?

Part 2: A Happy New Year

Ok, I'm done being a debbie downer. 2014 is a day away and I can look back on 2013 and say it's been one heck of a year. From winning races and loosing races, from the Pledge of Allegiance at 'W''s library opening, to seeing a best friend get married, to PR's, to the ever thriving Dare2tri, new babies,
to the sights of Paris, and London, becoming an Ironman, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, new friendships, enjoying my healthy, lovely family and boyfriend, throwing endless tennis balls to Jake, and most importantly, living. It's been a good year and it will be tough to top. Below are some of my favorite pictures of the year to reflect back on.

Tomorrow night I will raise my glass with you to another year. So here's to another good one, to doing whatever it is that makes us happy and to living and enjoying this great country we all live in. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all. Life is good.


Tuesday, November 19, 2013


The title says it all. I AM AN IRONMAN! I think it's set in
today, as I sit here, letting the sore muscles recover and looking at pictures over and over. A day I will never forget, a day with so many ups and downs and the culmination of those epic words, 'Melissa Stockwell, You are an Ironman!'

You can end here if you like, that is after all, the end result of the day. If you want to hear how it all went down, read on, keeping in mind that is was 140.6 miles, so it's a long one...

The day started early. 420am wake up call with Brian. Down to the lobby to
the smiling faces of Keri, Katz, MaryKate and an excited walk over to transitions. Pumped the tires, got body marked, dropped off special needs bags, put on the wetsuit and waited for that 640 mark when we could get in the water. I saw Jean and Nick, reveled in the amount of people about to take this journey with us and the knowledge that we would all be Ironman by the end of the day.
We were able to start with the pro men, the first swim wave. If you've seen an IM or done one, you know what a huge advantage this is. Instead of starting with 2500 of your best friends in what is called the washing machine, as everyone goes at once, we only had about 50 others and plenty of space to get those arms going.

As I jumped in and swam a 100m to the start I stopped and took it all in. The morning light was coming up, the bridge above the start was jam packed with people, the big Ironman logo was an easy spot and I smiled, thinking, this is it. Today is the day. At 645 the cannon went off, and off we went. 2.4 miles is not a short swim. It felt like forever until we got to the turnaround. The 63 degree water turned out to feel nice after a cool start. Buoy after buoy we swam, on an extremely well marked swim course. I did the last turn and could see the swim exit. As I neared, the volunteers worked their way down, put an arm on either side and as I came up the stairs there they were, Keri and Brian, Mark and others, waiting at the exit. I was so ecstatic, this was the day and I was going to make it a good one. My time was a solid 1:07 and I was thrilled with it and smiles came easy. The wetsuit came off, the running leg went on and I was off to T1. Along the way the crowd was deafening, I have never heard anything like it. I got to see and give my parents a hug (highlight #1), I took in the cheers and it was truly unbelievable. My smile was so big, a few chuckles thinking about the moment and thinking about how lucky I was. We got my special needs bag, went into the changing tent, changed into bike shorts, put some suntan lotion on and Keri and Brian helped me off on the bike. I got on the bike ready for a 'short' ride of 112 miles, gave Brian a big smile and I was off.

The bike course was a 3 loop course. While I didn't want to put times to anything, I really wanted to average around 15mph. The way out, before the turnaround was a little rough. A headwind, a false flat and at the first turnaround I was averaging only about 14mph and was pretty discouraged. I made the turn and hellooo tailwind! I quickly made up the time I lost enjoying the push of the wind and the slight downhill. I got to the first turnaround and loved the cheers and the familar faces of Team Melissa. Dan, Basia (another surprise!), Keri, Katz, Alyssa, Brian, Mom, Dad, Rob, Mark Sortino, many happy familiar faces. I gave a thumbs up, a smile and was off on lap 2. The wind had shifted and there was a tailwind this time and it continued to shift all day. On my 2nd lap I got my special needs bag and dug into some cookies from Casey's general store, direct from IL,  and another PB&J. I was doing pretty well at staying on my nutrition plan, eat every 40 min, drink water, UR and repeat. My best lap was the second one. By the 3rd, I was just ready to be done. 112 miles is just a lot of miles to be on a bike. I got to see the family and friends, and Jake! on the 2nd turn. I got many encouraging words as other riders passed and was a friendly rider, even uncharacteristically chatting with a few people. As I pulled into T2 I had an avg of 15.2mph and was so happy. I saw Brian and Keri there waiting for me, they took my bike and I hobbled into the changing tent and T2.

These transitions are so unlike what I am used too. Usually it's a scramble for how fast you can get in and out. But here, I took the time to stretch, I changed, I put on more sunscreen and took about 10 min to get myself situated. I knew I had a big run ahead of me. As I left T2, I gave a wave and a smile and knew I was 2/3 of the way there, but the hardest was yet to come..

My first step of the run was a bit worrisome. I have this weird throat issue and when I overexert myself, or get too excited, I have a hard time swallowing which leads to all sorts of other issues. A throat spasm of sorts. I don't need to name these issues here, but let's just say it is not comfortable. It becomes difficult to drink or eat anything and can cause some deep breathing issues. A few years ago I almost wrote off an IM knowing this could happen and as I started off, the feeling was there.
But, nothing to do than to keep going, so that I did. Step by step right?

In my training I was starting off the bike at 10-11min miles and was hoping for just that. As I started and kept moving I was easily in the 11-12 min miles from the start and wasn't that thrilled with it. The run was a 2 loop course, out and back along the lake and great for spectators. I kept thinking my pace would pick up and when it didn't I was bummed and not in the best of moods when I got to Team Melissa cheer spot #1. I smiled weakly (maybe) and Keri jumped in to run with me for a bit. Keri has run with me a lot. A whole lot. She knows my run, she knows when to talk and when not to talk. She has seen me at my worst. And contrary to popular belief, I can be a serious downer on the run. My goal of being a happy runner was slipping away and anyone that passed with an encouraging word was lucky to get a small wave or anything at all. If anyone is reading this that saw me out there, thank you. I truly did appreciate all the cheers, but in the ups and downs of an Ironman, I was down. Keri was doing her usual great job of cheering on all the runners and encouraging me as much as she could.
That girl, always with a smile.
Miles 6-12 didn't get much better. With this throat issue, I could only manage a few grapes at each water stop. So 4-5 grapes, a cup of water and I was off to the next one. I saw Dan and Basia around mile 8 and was once again Ms downer. A little wave and that was it. When Brian tried to cheer me up with a funny face I turned it down and was visibly pretty miserable. What had I gotten myself into. I was only at mile 10!

The halfway point slowly approached. The sun had gone down and I was running with a glow stick. At mile 13 I saw everyone again. This time Jake was there wearing his 'my mom is going to be an Ironman' tshirt along with my parents, MaryKate, Katz, Brian and Keri. I managed a smile and Katz joined me for a bit. Her rolling beside me was pretty special. Katz knows the pure determination it takes to be an Ironman and her encouragement went a long way. Miles 13-18 were my best. Somehow I picked it up. Took my 13/14 min miles and dropped them down to 12m miles. I was smiling once again, I was taking in the excitement, encouraging the other racers, actually thanking people as they passed with kind words. I was in a good place as I came to mile 17, back to my cheering section. I gave them a big smile and said, '9 more miles and I'm an Ironman.' I was still only eating about 4-5 grapes and a cup of water at each aid station. I saw Mark along the course and he told me repeatedly, please eat sugar, drink coke, eat something. The fear or this throat issue kept me from anything except those grapes. Smart? probably not. But it's all I could do,
so that's what it was going to be.
I saw Dan and Basia and Keri about mile 20. Still feeling OK,
 Dan yelled out 'From Walter Reed to Ironman, you've got this Stockwell' Inspiring? yes. I passed mile 20 and things started to go downhill. On to mile 21 and the miles got slower and the exhaustion set in. By mile 23, I was getting to an all time low. Struggling to run at all, I saw Mark again and he begged me to please have some coke. I tried a small sip, and that's all I could get down. 2.5 more miles and I was spent. By mile 24 I was there, the lowest of lows. My body wouldn't work right, it was all I could do to walk. I would try the game of running from light pole to light pole and that failed. Everything hurt. I saw the 15 hour time come and go. I saw Jean run by, looking so strong as she encouraged me to just keep going, I could do this. There were silent tears, the wonderment on what on earth I was doing out there. A marathon on 50 grapes, is that possible? But one foot in front of the other, and the minutes dragged on. And finally. Finally, I got to mile 26, I saw Dan. He had my American flag there for me to get. He got me situated and sent me off as I rounded the corner with .2 miles ot go.

And now, the finish chute. You always imagine yourself here. I had thought so many times what would I do. I wanted to take in the crowd, to give high fives and walk my way down. As I rounded the corner I saw Katz, Alyssa and MaryKate screaming their hearts out. I turned and saw that finish. And it all became a blur. The deafaning noise, the lights, the crowds and that finish line. It was heaven. And suddenly, I could run. A slow run, with that flag over head, and as I got closer, those words I had so longed to hear, Melissa Stockwell, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN. I stood at that finish a wave of emotion. In 15:12, I had completed 140.6 miles. I was in the club. I was an Ironman.

The next minutes were surreal. Brian ran up and put the medal around my neck, I saw Keri there with a bear hug, my parents cheering from the side and then the overwhelming congrats form everyone and from Katz, MaryKate, Alyssa, Mark, oh my. I. was. an. Ironman.

What a crazy, incredible journey. A journey that started almost a year ago. The training, the hard work, it all paid off, another dream come true. Here I was, Nov 17, 2013, and I was an Ironman. Surrounded by my best friends, my family and the cheers of so many of you. Over the next few hours, with the help if Brian, I made myself back to the hotel, got to lay down, take a bath and sleep away my first night as an Ironman.

I woke up, somehow still able to move and even walk. I was and am overwhelmed by how special and loved so many of you made me feel. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world.

Like any IM finisher we made our way down to the finisher expo and I became president of the overbearing Ironman club. With a finisher jacket (thanks Mom and dad), tshirts, a visor, a necklace (thanks B), a pint glass, a coffee mug, an ornament, and a backpack with luggage tag, I think I'm set... I saw Karen and Nick and we had our congratulatory moments. I proudly wore my Arizona IM finisher shirt along with hundreds of others around AZ that day. It was a cool club and as we all struggled to walk with our sore bodies I couldn't help but wonder why we all do this to ourselves, triathetes are crazy.

A question I've gotten, will I do it again?
On sunday night, it was a flat, No. Then it was a not yet, and now it's a maybe. That's the way these things go. And if there is or isn't another IM the big questions is, what's next? If anyone has any ideas send them me way. I'm up for it all. Any challenge is a good challenge. For now the challenge is learning to rest, take some time off, and then learn to sprint again. I think I've forgotten how. And take on nationals and worlds again, and so the journey of a different kind will continue.

I can't sign off without thanking again Cigna and David Cordani, Dare2tri, CAF and Refuel. Becuse of them, I was able to get to that starting line. And to my parents who made the trip and gave me the best surprise ever, the weekend was that much more special with you there. And Dan and Basia, surprise #2. And my sister Amanda, whose call after the race made the day complete and to Brian who always believes in me and puts up with this craziness and to Keri and Katz and MaryKate for being the best team out there. To Elaine for the cheers and the
awesome pictures. And to Coach Stacee who coached me to that finish line and who was there with me in spirit every stroke, pedal and step of the way. And to all of you for believing in me. I'm not sure life can get any better than this.

So there you go. My journey of 140.6 miles and a dream come true.

I am an Ironman.

Saturday, November 16, 2013


Ironman eve...this is crazy. When I got here 2 days ago my excitement was through the roof. Seeing the IM village, the finish line, seeing all the expo booths, the fit people, the friendly faces and really hadn't sunk in, until today. Hellooo nerves.

This whole dream started on a New Years Eve almost 2 years go when I decided that in 2013, I wanted to be an Ironman. And tomorrow, that dream will be reality. I am #127. If you'd like, you can go to and you'll be able to track my progress.

Today I did my final workout, a 20m swim, 20m bike and 20m run. m= minutes, not miles. That would really be crazy. I racked my bike, I dropped off my transition bags, and it really sunk in. The enormity of this race, 140.6 long miles. 140.6! I need to say that number over and over to realize that's actually what I'll be doing. I feel like when I went to Iraq in 2004. You never think it's actually happening until you get there. And guess what, I'm here. And it's tomorrow. This is crazy.
The goal is the finish line. To be honest, I don't feel like I'm at my fittest, but hopefully it'll be enough to get me through.

These past few days have been pretty awesome. Along with Cigna and Dare2tri I am also representing Refuel Chocolate Milk and CAF out on the course. CAF has a tent at the expo and it's been a great meeting point for all of us. There are 5 of us challenged athletes that will be out on the course. Myself, BK's Karen Adyelott (Iron woman extraordinaire), Jean Draper, Nick Raumonda and WC athlete Rick James. For Jean, Nick and I, it's out first Ironman, and for all of us the goal is to be happy, to smile, enjoy ourselves and see that finish line.

And I might be pretty biased, but I think I've got the best cheering crew and support team on the course. I have Brian, Keri, Katz, MK, Dan, Elaine and the best surprise ever, my parents. Apparently everyone else was in on it, but what a great surprise when they showed up yesterday. There aren't many things better than seeing your parents 2 days before a journey of 140.6 miles. They will all be sporting their own Team Melissa shirts and no doubt, their cheers will get me through to the end. Even Jake will have his own, my mom is going to be an Ironman shirt..I truly believe I am the luckiest girl in the world. And a big thanks again to Cigna, Dare2tri, Refuel and CAF.

So, tomorrow is the day. Transition opens at 5am so no doubt I'll be up at 4 and knocking at the gate. I know that it's going to be tough, I know it will be a physical and a mental battle, but I know it will be one of the best days of my life. Tomorrow I will make my own history. It's no longer the road to IMAZ, this IS IMAZ, and ready or not, here we go.

Until next time, when I am part of the prestigious IM club,

Peace Out.

Sunday, November 3, 2013


T-14 days. Wow. What that means is in two weeks from today, I will be shuffling my way through Tempe, AZ, mile by mile, towards that finish line, and this dream of being an Ironman will soon be reality. 

The last few weeks have been my longest and hardest training weeks and as I move into ‘taper time’ I’m ready to let me legs rest. I’ve gotten to know the farming roads of Batavia where I’ve done many longer rides, always looking forward to the stops at the Purple Store or the cookies from Casey’s.  I’ve gotten to know the Fox Valley River trail and seen how pretty it can look in the fall as I run under a canopy of yellow. I’ve waved at people on the Lake path always wondering what they are training for this late in the season. With the Chicago marathon over, there are fewer and fewer of us out there, and I’ve come to enjoy the brisk weather runs along the lake. There have been century rides, and race simulations, where it’s a full 8-9 hour training day as I swim, bike and run and dial- in what my nutrition will be on race day. I’ve learned that the tailgate of my Honda element is a great place to stretch after a long workout. I’ve eaten more gels and bonk breaker bars and honey stingers that I care to admit, but know those are what will get me through all those miles. I’ve learned that biking when it’s 30 degrees out really is not fun and you can just wave as the drivers give you crazy looks from their heated cars. I’ve learned that on a long ride or run, the reminder that I signed up for this and imagining that finish line can go a long way. I’ve swam miles and miles, and learned that with a 2.4 mile swim, it’s not how fast you can do it, but it’s staying steady and preparing for the day ahead. I’ve learned that chicken nuggets taste even better after a long workout. I’ve talked strategy, I’ve listened to my coach, to my friends and other Ironmen who have come before me. I’ve been told that the porta potties will be my friend on the run, and that on
that run, it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other. I’ve been told that IMAZ is one of the best spectator courses and to let that fuel me along. And the best thing I’ve learned, is that when I get to that finish chute, I will feel like I am floating. Whether it’s been a good race, or a bad one, if I’ve crawled my way to mile 26, somehow I will find my feet again and that it will be one of the greatest moments of my life. How’s that for inspiration.

I am currently in what we call ‘taper time’. Less volume in order to let my muscles rest before the big day. Some people love it, but it can be a challenge as well. When you go from 2 hour runs, to a 45 min run, its easy to think that you will loose all that you’ve gained these past few months. Not to mention, the hunger is still there, and it’s hard to cut back on the eating because you’ve been doing so much of it the past few months. And let’s be honest, I love food. But. It’s all part of the plan. The training and the taper, and I will trust in it. It’s my only choice. No more Mcnuggets for me. Sigh.

I have always thrived on spectators and seeing friends along the course and am lucky to have a big ‘Team Melissa’ crew, with shirts to match, that will be there with me. Brian, of course, who has been woken up at 5am way too many times this year as I try my hardest to sneak out the door  for my workouts. He has listened to me talk for hours about this race, always with a smile and the gentle encouragement that I can do it. Keri will be there, a best friend, an Ironman herself and a training partner who has joined me on many a runs and often by my side through any big event. Katz, another best friend and Ironman that knows inside and out what it takes to be part of this Ironman club. MaryKate, my Dare2tri teammate who lives in AZ, Elaine, an IMAZ finisher, CAF volunteer and great friend, Dan Riley, a fellow veteran, a travel buddy and triathlete. Coach Stacee won't be there in person but she'll be with us in spirit. She surprised me with these custom red, white and blue sunglasses with IMAZ on them. And yes, I'm obsessed.  There will be many CAF staff and other Challenged athletes, Jean, Nick and Karen, and their teams who will all be out there on race day fueling us to keep moving forward.

I have been fortunate to have the support of many organizations that have helped me either financially or with my training. I will proudly wear the Cigna logo on my uniform as they not only donated to Dare2tri but funded much of my training season and journey towards this Ironman. I was lucky to meet David Cordani, CEO of Cigna at a race early this year and he has been as generous with his charitable contributions as he is with his support for me to conquer this race. I am also part of Team Refuel and their chocolate milk campaign as they work with CAF to help challenged athletes like myself, Jean, Nick and Karen get to the starting line. And of course Dare2tri, as I proudly wear our logo in hopes that I will be one person out on that course inspiring many to keep moving forward. And always a thank you to my company, Scheck and Siress Prosthetics for their support with my flexible schedule so I can get in these long training days and still have a life outside of all the training. And to my friends, who I have talked incessantly about this race with. Thank you for listening to my successes, my complaints and always having an open ear. I am so very lucky.

So, the big question... Am I ready? I can confidently say that, yes, I am ready. Instead of wondering if my training was enough I’m choosing to believe in the training, and the long hours and believe that I can do this. I know it will be a tough day. I’m nervous, I’m a little scared but I am so very excited. Excited for the race. And excited to have a great end to this very long race season and not see that 5am wake up call.
Nov 17th will be here soon. I will try to write again but if not, a thank you to all of you who believe in me day after day and support these crazy dreams of mine. And if all goes as planned, in 2 weeks I will be an Ironman. And nothing will make me happier.

Peace Out.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Road to IMAZ.

It's 5 1/2 weeks till the big day. Ironman Arizona. I thought at this point I'd be writing about how I am sick of the training, it's been too long a season, etc. Turns out that it's quite the contrary. I'm actually enjoying this. The long training days, the long runs, rides and seeing myself improve. And as the days go by and it gets closer and closer I am more and more confident that I will in fact, finish this race.

A few weeks ago I did my first century ride. My longest ride prior to that was 77 miles. It was the North Shore Century ride so a sanctioned ride that got to ride with good friends Dan, Hailey, Jean and King. I'm not going to say it was easy, because at mile 80, all I wanted to do was get off the bike. My legs hurt and the boredom of being on a bike for 7 hours sets in about then. But it was the perfect fall day and I knew I was there for a purpose. Plus, these century rides have serious rest stops. Every 20-25 miles you get to stop get off your bike and eat. I ate hotdogs, and cookies, and PB&J sandwiches and chili..I think I actually gained weight on that ride. We finished at a grand total of 104 miles and I got off the bike and prepared for an hour run. The last thing I wanted to do at that point was run, but I bucked up and put on my running leg. Let me tell you that running after 100 miles on a bike is not easy. I started slow and got slower. It was pretty miserable. After an hour I got back to the car and wanted to cry thinking about another 21 miles. My legs were on fire. I headed home, took a bath, took some Advil and spent the next few days with some heavy legs wondering what I had gotten myself into.

The following weekend was century ride #2. Nothing like back to back century rides right? This one was the Apple Cider Century ride up in Three Oaks, MI. This time with my coach and training buddies Stacee, Heather and Beth. A much, much hillier ride and by mile 40 I wasn't that thrilled. 100 miles of rollers is not my idea of fun. But we kept on, enjoyed the plentiful rest stops, the great weather, the scenery and finished up at 103 miles. Like the previous week, I got off the bike and ran. This time, it was so much better. I ended up with about 7.5 miles, a decent average with the thoughts that I was going to be an Ironman keeping me going. And thinking that maybe all this training actually does something.

The workouts will continue, I've had some stellar long runs, some not so good ones, some good time on the bike and logging those miles in the pool. I've got a solid month before the taper starts and I'll keep up the mileage until then. I have to mention that my flexible work schedule is key at this point. To be able to do my long rides and runs, during the week and still have my weekends is the perfect scenario. I am so thankful that Scheck and Siress has been so supportive.

This weekend is both the KONA Ironman and the Chicago marathon so race fever is in the air and it's getting me pumped. I can't wait to cheer on my friend Susan Katz while she races on Kona on Sat. And then on Sunday I get to cheer on Brian (yes, Brian is running a whole marathon!) and many other people as they work their way through Chicago to that finish line. I am incredibly proud of Brian, his first marathon. It's gonna be a good day.

In 5 weeks it'll be my turn. I. Can't. Wait. For the continued training, for the challenge, and for that elated feeling when, after 140.6 miles,  I'll get to that finish line and hear that famous line, 'Melissa Stockwell, you are an Ironman.'

That's what keeps me going. I can do this.

Friday, September 27, 2013

A world championship (and a European vacation).

Well, here goes. This was going to be a compilation blog of all sorts of events but it's turned into a race recap. Or else you'd be reading all day.

For those a little late in the game, on Sep 13th, I competed in my 4th World Championships in London, England. As a 3x World Champion, my goal was to defend that title and add a 4 to that. However, as I've found with life, what I want is not always in the cards.

The race started on a rainy, wet Friday Sep 13th in Hyde Park. We had been in London for a few days, I was feeling good, happy to be back with Team USA, happy to be with my second family of Dare2tri and the 5 other elite team members and ready for a solid race. I had 3 other competitors in my classification. Sarah Reinertsen, who I've competed against many
times, Hailey, my Dare2tri teammate, and a great friend and this new girl from Denmark. Let me say now that this girl from Denmark was a little off from the start. She had all of her limbs and 'used' a cane when she walked. Before the race even started many commented that she was classified wrong and shouldn't have been a Tri2 competing with us. But there she was, her starting alongside the 3 of us missing our legs. So be it.

The swim was great. I got out of the water first feeling solid, crutched into my transition and was on the bike. The bike was a whopping 6 loops, so a little over 2 miles each and each loop would bring us by transition where we could see the crowd. And my handler. Keri of course. It was wet roads, a little rough and lots of turns. The bike is usually my weakest of the 3 but I had been training and was ready to push hard. The first loop went well. I came through transition knowing I was still ahead and feeling great. A mile into the 2nd loop something started to feel a little strange. I kept thinking something was loose on the bike. And then I felt it, the thump, thump. I looked down and yep, flat tire. Having never had a flat tire in a race, my first thought was seriously, here? and then crap, what do I do...

 Well, here's what I did... I made it to the crowd and frantically yelled out, I have a flat, I have a flat. And then I kept going.. loop #3. I had everything I needed to change the tire but I was too caught off guard to do it or know what to do. So I did a 3rd loop. A slow 3rd loop. I couldn't get above 13mph without feeling unsteady. At one point, with all the turns, I looked down to see I was going 9mph and thought how ridiculous this was. It was world championships and this wasn't my plan.  I kept telling myself to just get to the crowd, hoping that someone would tell me what to do. I did just that and Brian called out, Keri is in the wheel pit. Who knew there was a wheel pit? So I creeped my way into the wheel pit, thinking Keri and I were going to change my flat. Instead they had an entire wheel there for me to switch out with my flat one. Great news. As we put it on, we realized that this wheel is more narrow than my other one and my front brakes don't work. No worries, what did I need to brake for? So 40 seconds later, I was off. I had 3 loops left, I had no idea where I was in the pack and I tried to make up for lost time. I pedaled harder than I ever have, this was after all World Championships, and I had lost too much precious time.

I came to the end of the bike and saw the dismount line. I went to pull the brakes and nothing happened. Turns out when your front brakes don't work, stopping isn't that easy. It was a shocking revelation. I pulled a little harder, slid past the dismount line, saw a red flag go up as I screeched to a stop many feet later. Turns out
they take that dismount line seriously. Penalty it is.

I run into T2 shocked to see that only the only bike there is the girl from Denmark. I assumed after all the tire drama, I had been passed by everyone. I gave my bike to Keri (aka, the best handler ever) tried unsuccessfully to get my running leg on fast. Turns out a silicone liner that's wet and wet hands don't work well together. So as I struggle to get my liner on and lament to Keri that I just got a penalty I see Hailey next to me getting off the bike. I finally get my running leg on and head out with Hailey not far behind and Denmark girl up ahead, who knows how far. At this point I'm thinking a mess of things. First, can I still pull this off? Second, why a flat tire, here, now, at Worlds championships. Third, I have a looming penalty and fourth, man my legs hurt. At the 1/2 mile point there was a turn and I can see that Hailey is about 20-30 sec behind. I try to pick it up, I try to keep the negative thoughts out, and it was enough until about 1.5 miles in. And then I hear it. The unmistakable sound of a runner with a prosthetic leg I know she is there. She comes up to my right, I try to stay with her for a second, but this girl is on fire. I keep her in sight and as we round mile 2 and I try again to pick it up. But it's not gonna happen, it's not in the cards. Plus, I had a penalty to serve before I finished, so why should I even try. Mentally, I was weak. Whether the tire, the legs, the looming penalty, the day, who knows, but I gave up and saw Hailey get further and further away.

A few hundred feet before the finish I see the penalty box and my number in it. I walk into the penalty box, I see Brian close by holding the signature American flag for me to carry into the finish. I wait my 10 seconds, walk over to Brian, get the flag situated over my head and run home. A bittersweet moment, proud to be there, proud to cross that finish with the flag overhead and a proud American. Just not my race.

I crossed the finish line, saw Hailey, gave her a hug and had to smile. Regardless of what happened in my race, Hailey had the race of her life and her best run time by minutes (yes that's with an 's'). And it was a proud moment. Here, a girl who lost her leg to cancer at age 15. Years later we fit her with her first running leg and witness her first 5K. And then her first triathlon. And now (becasue that 2 legged Denmark girl did get disqualified) a World Champion. A teammate, a fierce competitor and most importantly a friend. It turned this day into a day of mixed emotions. Did I want to win? Absolutely. But it wasn't meant to be. This was Hailey's day. I was proud, but I was sad, I was mad, I was all sorts of stuff.

The rest of the weekend was a celebration. Awards were the next day and I got to stand on the podium, hand over my heart and listen to my favorite song as 3 American flags went up. USA sweep. And adding some silver to those golds adds some color right?
A quick thank you to our sponsors Deloitte, Scheck and Siress and all the family and friends that supported all of us to make it to World Championships. You were thought of often. 

We got to see the big sights in London, tried to fit too many people in a phone booth, tried to get the guards to laugh and then took the chunnel over to Paris for 3 days. Myself, Brian, and Dan Riley, our favorite travel buddy. Because this post is already too long, I'll keep it brief. Think crepes, wine, cappuccinos and cheese. Think wine on the lawn by the eiffel tower, the mona lisa, walking and more walking, the Arc de Triomphe, more wine, more crepes, street performers, rain, sun, the Seine, running by the Seine, more cappuccinos, book shops, street vendors, Notre Dame, pastries, flower shops and yes, more wine. Paris really is a spectacular city and September is the perfect time to go.

I would be lying if I didn't say that the race didn't run through my head a few times while I was there. OK, maybe more than a few times. The flat tire, if I could have done more, why I wasn't strong enough to have a better run and the feeling that I had failed. I think what got to me most is that I wasn't mentally strong. I let that stupid flat get to me. In the race and in the days after. I talked to many people about it and they all said I should be proud for not quitting after a flat, I should be happy with silver after loosing minutes trying to deal with it. I tried to look at it that way, at the positive parts, but all I could think of was that run. That dang run.

But this whole 'what if', it doesn't matter in the
long run. Just like April 13, 2004, it reaffirmed an
important lesson, that things aren't always in your control. And as cheesy as it sounds when I got back home I put that flat tire in my room to remind myself of that. As Jimi would have said, It is what it is.

So there it be. Back to home sweet Chicago. A pending Ironman in 7 weeks and lots of training to do before then. I've had some good training but that's for another post, this one is too long. But that IM finish line is just what I need.

Peace Out!